Bremner’s Brown Blag Bust!

Roy Ters: Tuesday 12 July 2011, 13:01 BST

IN A twist bizarre even by the standards of the ongoing News International phone hacking scandal, satirical impressionist Rory Bremner has been arrested by police investigating the ‘blagging’ of former PM Gordon Brown’s financial affairs.

Concealed beneath a blanket, Bremner was bundled into the back of a police van in the small hours of this morning and driven to Lewisham police station, where he was questioned for eight hours before being released on bail.

‘Blagging’ is the practice of impersonating someone’s voice in order to obtain information over the phone under false pretences. It is a technique more often used by private investigators working for shady newspapers, such as Barry Arsehole who, working for the not-as-good-as-it-used-to-be Sunday Times, impersonated nobody in particular and tricked gullible solicitors Gonad & Overy into giving away details of a property purchase made by dour Chancellor of the Exchequer Gordon Brown.

But in this instance it is thought that Bremner had been corrupted, or more likely blackmailed, by flame-haired temptress and erstwhile Sun editrix Rebekah Brooks who needed a very specific and well-known personality’s voice to be impersonated, none other than that of dour Prime-Minister-in-waiting Gordon Brown himself. It is believed that Brooks forced Bremner to pretend to be Brown in order to phone controversial Prime Minister Tony Blair to tell him how much he hated him, though why she bothered seeing as Gordon Brown used to do that himself several times a day is anybody’s guess. A source close to the titian-haired homophobe said it was 'probably just force of habit'.

The police were tight-lipped about the exact nature of their questioning, but after being slipped a few quid a police source told us, "We got him to do his Gordon Brown, you know, where he makes his cheeks look all jowly and lets his lower jaw hang lifelessly when he pauses speaking, but to be honest I thought he sounded more like that bloke out of Dr Finlay’s Casebook, what’s his name, Doctor Something-or-other wasn’t it? Anyway, the Super backed me up and said there was no way anyone would be fooled into thinking he was Gordon Brown so we let him go with a caution and a bit of a friendly slap around the head."

Tony Blair was not available for comment as he is too busy whoring himself around the lucrative US lecture circuit to earn enough to keep his missus in baubles and furs.