Thursday, 11 April 2013

Thatcher

So Thatcher died. After hating her and everything she stood for these last thirty years I felt nothing. It was totally unlike my JFK Moment upon hearing of her resignation as Prime Minister. Then I was young, in my first job, and sat on the khazi at work reading the paper when Jane, a fiery Glaswegian, thumped on the door to the Gents shouting, “McTodd, have you heard the news? Thatcher’s GONE!” Yes, she actually said GONE in block capitals.

So that was the death of Thatcher’s career. But when it came to the Lady’s actual, physical death this week, as I say, nothing. Oh sure, I jumped with both feet into the virtual bear-pit that is the Twitter, saying some fabulously vile things about her, but those were prompted by Olympic-scale fawning and drooling by Tories and other motley rightwingers. There’s nothing cheers McTodd up more than being really offensive to rightwing arseholes (by the way, if you’re a Tory and reading this, kindly piss off, there’s a good fellow). In fact, it is my ambition to actually cause a Tory’s death through paroxysms of rage induced by reading a tweet of mine.

So Thatcher died. And the media went into overdrive. The BBC News website’s homepage resembled an English version of what Pravda would have been had the old Soviet Union clung on into the age of the internet. Brezhnev and chums must be looking up green with envy, all they had was a dusty party newspaper and one TV channel endlessly playing solemn music. The Lady herself might have found this amusingly ironic, but for the fact that she famously had no sense of humour. As for the Tory press, well, the less said…

Meanwhile, the Tory party appears to have completely taken leave of its senses, creating a veritable Thatcher Death Cult despite the fact that they knifed her in the back in 1989 in the first place, ending not just her career but in a very meaningful way, ending her life. Perhaps they’re attempting to atone for that Original Sin… And with the State Funeral That Isn’t, Cameron has clearly co-opted Thatcher’s death in the brazen hope that some of her metallic glister will reflect on him.

Which prompts me to ponder the meaning of Thatcher. In his Independent column, Steve Harris ably points out how Thatcher’s death speaks volumes about the present. For the Conservatives it’s a reminder of the seemingly ironclad certainties of the Lady, in contrast with Cameron’s apparent weakness. Hence Dave’s eagerness to use her death, even to the extent of enmeshing the monarchy in what next week will be a party political stunt on a grand scale, something the Telegraph (of all places!) columnist Peter Oborne finds deeply disturbing. For Labour it’s a chance to prove that “Ideology mattered… ideas matter in politics.” For millions of others, including me, it’s an opportunity to celebrate the death of someone who in many ways mutilated British society.

The real point to me, however, is that neither side sees Thatcher as a flesh and blood human being. Those celebrating Thatcher’s death do not celebrate the death of a frail old lady. After all, even someone as jaded as I cannot fail to be touched by images such as this:

No, the death they and I celebrate is not that of an old lady, it’s the death of the Iron Lady, the death of a symbol, an emblem of everything we hated and hate about what this country has become. Thatcher started that revolution (though Blair continued it, and which is why, even discounting the Iraq War, he is also reviled by millions). By the same token, when Tories and assorted other rightwingers eulogise and canonise Thatcher, they do not venerate the woman, the human being, they venerate a symbol of power, a symbol of ideological certainty.

The point is that both sides have turned her into an abstract symbol, both have essentially dehumanised her and, in that sense, both sides are complicit in each other’s extremes. Consequently, for Tories to condemn those celebrating Thatcher’s death is therefore both hypocritical and spectacularly unreflective in its total lack of self-awareness.

I cannot help but recall a brilliant observation by the great jazz musician George Melly of his friend Trog’s work as a caricature artist. Trog, otherwise known as Wally Fawkes (and himself a jazzman), had simplified Thatcher

…as an image, reduced [her] to a few lines …a cartoon-strip figure. On the other hand, lesser-known political figures are drawn with near-realism and frequently cross-hatched to achieve sculptural solidity, the logic being that Thatcher… [has] become [an] almost abstract creature, whereas those lesser political figures remain individuals and are depicted as such.
What was true of depicting Thatcher as a graphic figure turns out, oddly enough, to be equally true of Thatcher as a public figure.

Wednesday, 6 February 2013

Daddy, what did YOU do in the Class War?

Bit of a Golden Oldie this one, as I did it last year, or maybe even the year before... Anyway, be that as it may, there is a famous World War One recruiting poster called Daddy, what did YOU do in the Great War? A little girl sits on her pensive father's knee asking him that very question as her brother plays with toy soldiers on the floor. The implication is clear - sign-up and kill the Hun so that one day you can look your children in their eyes and say you did the right thing! You can see the original here. Some time ago it prompted me to wonder what Nick Clegg would tell his children one day, and this bit of Photoshoppery was the result...


Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Peter Bone(head) MP

So at long last gay marriage is now legal, though not without the Tories showing - as if evidence were needed - that they truly are still the Nasty Party, half of them abstaining rather than sully themselves with the act  of allowing sodomites and carpet-lickers to tie the knot. One of the leading anti-gay marriage campaigners was Peter Bone MP, who memorably described gay marriage as 'completely nuts.' Scientific analysis attempts to uncover the reasons for his antipathy, with a notable lack of success apart, perhaps, from providing a modicum of amusement...

 

Monday, 4 February 2013

Hello Dicky...

So they've discovered the bones of Richard III under a car park in Leicester. Well, somebody's got to do it, I suppose... My reaction:


Friday, 1 February 2013

Goodbye Nipper...

Nipper is, of course, the little dog sat in front of the gramophone listening to His Master's Voice. News of failed company HMV's charmingly casual sacking of hundreds of its workers and their revenge via Twitter led to this venture into editorial cartooning...

Thursday, 7 June 2012

Pharaoh Tutancameron downplays ‘mistreatment’ of Israelite jobseekers

Neville Titi: Thursday 7 June 2562 BC

IN DISGRACEFUL SCENES not witnessed since records began (around sixteen years ago) a number of Israelite jobseekers providing free labour on the Great Pyramid Project in exchange for not being thrown to the crocodiles in the Nile were left to sleep overnight in the open air in the shadow of the Sphinx.

Eamonn Hotep, in charge of the building work, attempted to defend what happened by claiming that accommodation was being prepared for the Israelites in the form of holes being dug in the ground, but that the chariot-drivers delivering the jobseekers left early. Mr Hotep said, “Those feckin’ chariot-drivers should have waited for the holes to be finished but they buggered off, to be sure! I even heard one of them eejits with me own two ears mutter that he didn’t want to be hanging around south of the Nile at this time of night, so he did!”

One Israelite worker agreed to speak on condition of anonymity. Moses (not his real name) told us, “You call this accommodation? This I wouldn’t even inflict on a scarab beetle! Oy, my life…”

Pharaoh Tutancameron brushed off criticism and proclaimed, “Construction of the Great Pyramid is a vital infrastructure project necessary to stimulate the Egyptian economy which, I need hardly remind you, is in the worst recession since records began sixteen years ago! This is entirely due to the previous Dynasty’s massive overspending on luxuries such as holes in the ground for Israelites to sleep in, as well as chaos in the Sumerian Economic Zone. It is certainly not at all connected with the policies of my Chancellor, Ozyborndias. Now get out before I set the crocodiles on you.”


Pharaoh Tutancameron responds to criticism

Monday, 21 May 2012

German leader so boring Greeks pray for new Hitler as Europe craves war


Roy Ters: Monday 21 May 2012, 13:47 BST

GERMANY’S CHANCELLOR ANGELA MERKEL is seen as ‘so dull, so inert’ that Greeks, blaming her inaction for deepening their nation’s debt crisis, are openly praying for the rise of a new Hitler to inject a sense of urgency into the Euro Crisis debate.

Greece’s President Karolos Papoulias said, “Although we resent the Germans for failing to act in the present emergency, they are now so dull and grey we simply cannot work up the hatred necessary to galvanise us into doing anything, which is why no party won in the recent elections. We need a real enemy, so Chancellor Merkel should do the decent thing and either go completely bonkers herself and bomb Warsaw, or step down for a proper nutter to take her place. Say what you like about Hitler: he may have been two olives short of a salad but he got things done.”

Such sentiments are not confined to debt-felched Greece. Across Europe, governments have been lulled into a despairing torpor by Germany’s force of tedium and are now daring to think the unthinkable: Germany needs to live up to its historical obligations by going off the deep-end and unifying Europe by starting another massive war.

Britain’s Prime Minster, David Cameron, admitted that, “What we really need to get out of this mess is a new war close to home. For too long under Labour we got involved in wars far away and it’s very hard to get the cannon-fodder, sorry, I mean public, really enthusiastic when all you’re doing is dropping bombs from a great height on Johnny Arab.”

Backing Mr Cameron, France’s new President, Francois Hollande, stated, “The French people will not be happy until we hear the reassuring sound of German troops goose-stepping down the Champs Elysee. Already the hospitality sector has seen an economic boost as hoteliers spruce up their rooms for the expected German influx. Vive la Guerre!”

US President Barack Obama pledged to maintain America’s customary historical role by staying out of any European war until the combatant nations have almost completely destroyed each other, before stepping in at the last minute and claiming all the credit for the inevitable Allied victory.


Greek protesters demand Merkel stand aside for genocidal lunatic